IC INBOX = KAISOU

[anyprice]

Hey there, fam!! Caught me at a bad time! I might be in between jobs or, heheh, in between worlds even!! Leave ol' Sampo a message and he'll get STRAIGHT back to you as soon as he can! You can count on me!

username: Mr.ColdFeet

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text; on ac island; un: midnightfishing

[illucesco]

[A year ago, this is the kind of question Noctis would’ve posed to his dad. But Regis is gone, and Sam’s here instead, so Noctis sighs and texts him at some point while fishing:]

hey sam quick hypothetical.

what would you do if you ended up with weapons and things that hurt you to use, but even if they hurt, they’re still really useful?

and you can’t sell them to people because you’re worried that if they use it, it might hurt them even more. or cause instant horrible death in one case.

and like. what do you think that might say about your past life?

[anyprice]

...Now, I'll answer this 'hypothetical' if you'll tell me if it actually IS a hypothetical or not
because truth be told old buddy this does NOT sound like a fun 'maybe what if haha!' sort of thing, you know??

In my opinion, using powers that hurt you is a little dumb. even if something is really useful, you only got one life, kid! I've been desperately trying to stay alive and healthy for years, using something that'll chunk my life span sounds like a pain in my ass.

if this is a past life issue and a power you suddenly got, id tell my past life he was an idiot for putting anyone--and himself--in danger for using things that are clearly a double-edged sword.

[illucesco]

[He could lie and say it really is just a hypothetical. He considers it for a bit before he dismisses it, because Sam’s met his past life and heard him talk about duty and sacrifice.]

not really a hypothetical. more like a really worrying trend.

even if you might need the firepower they might bring to bear? like, i’m not about to use them for anything other than emergencies, i promised caleb that much, but. if something happens. if the city goes to hell. shouldn’t you bring everything you have to the table?

he was, but i don’t think he had a choice. he was at war and on the losing side. in a situation like that i can’t fault him for it. but like i said: the fact that so many of the weapons from him could chunk my life span is. worrying. [He hadn’t made it past thirty. It’s unsettling now to remember that.]

[anyprice]

[ your past life self was a king and he made sam uncomfortable and it felt really weird talking to him, like he was mentally somewhere else and he's glad Noct is Noct again and not That Guy. But this conversation is making him feel... weird, because he's a coward, noctis. you being brave is something he doesn't really understand. ]

...Noct, buddy. You're just one fella. Whatever danger this city goes through, you can't stand there and text me with the idea that you plan on facing it alone with some weird arsenal. that chunks your life force.

don't be stupid...?

if youre in a situation where its fight or die, sure, i can see you making a choice that causes you injury to avoid death, but. this city is full of pret-ty scary people. you don't gotta be alone when push comes to shove, yanno?
safety in numbers? or somethin'?

kid, don't hurt yourself.

[illucesco]

i know. i won’t be stupid. it’s just…

yeah, there’s a lot of capable people here. but if i have this power and i didn’t use it to help, i’d feel like shit. if you see something wrong and can do something about it, you should.

[His father taught him that.]

i’m not planning on making a last stand and blowing my entire life span on a strike. multiple people, you included, would bring me back and then kill me. hell from what wuxian says he might actually literally be able to do it. i just

it’s just

i don’t know how to put this, but it feels like his fate is being held over my head.

does it feel like that for you, sometimes? like the baggage from your past life is hanging over your head, ready to drop at any moment? like bits from his history will repeat into yours and you don’t know which ones? [Like not being there when his father dies in a violent invasion, for example.]

[anyprice]

[ normally, Sam doesn't do serious conversations. they bore The Laughter and he tries to avoid that--but this is Noct, so for once, he focuses, reads, and tries to actually give his best response that isn't just brushing the guy off.

It's so weird, having someone you care about. It's not his M.O. but. Here he is. ]

You're damn right I'd kill you if you did something that dumb, kid. I finally got you back after having to go AWOL for years and you tell me you got a self-destruct button? We're putting a glass case around it right away, you know that, right??

I don't know a whole lotta bout shit like fate and feeling like the Hanged Man in yer life or anything but what I AM used to is having that feeling that there's some shoe that hasn't dropped for you yet. Sure.
I've known about my past life for just as long as I've had to disappear, but the guy's memories are fragmented as shit. there's details missing that i have no idea what they mean for me, and any day i could wake up to some new detail about myself id rather not have known!!

but that dont mean i treat my life like a ticking time-bomb either, kiddo
all you gotta do is keep moving forward, and keep yourself on a path that'll be one you can be proud of at the end of the day. even if it means doing cowardly things to make sure you can keep up on those two feet of yours.

getting a second chance like I did isnt something you should rely on

...or even want.

[illucesco]

it wasn’t like i asked for a self-destruct button, i didn’t even know one existed for me. let alone multiple. don’t worry, the worst one’s in a safe in my apartment. it’s only that…

[The three dots bounce on the screen for a long time, as if Noctis is trying to figure out the best way to talk about this. Then:]

my memories are fuzzy. clearer now since the fae. please don’t tell anyone this.

he died saving his world.

he didn’t want to, but it was the only way and he was the only one who had the ability. even if he wasn’t he would’ve done it anyway—he was a king, and so many people he loved had died to get him to that point, he couldn’t do any less. but at the same time, looking at it from my perspective, it just

i feel sick thinking about it. and i know it’s ridiculous to worry that might be waiting in store for me if i’m not careful but. with the royal arms and now the ring of the lucii (the thing in the safe), and what happened to dad, it feels like they’re adding up to a warning of some kind. like there’s danger on the way and i need to be prepared against it.

you’re not wrong that it feels like a ticking time bomb. each time i get a royal arm i wonder what the hell the spirit realm or the shopkeeper or whoever is trying to tell me. i’d move forward, i’m honestly trying, but it’s hard to do that when every so often something from your past life pops up in the bushes just to remind you of something fucked up.

[Or when you’re still grieving and haven’t quite managed to visit your father’s grave or storage locker in a while.]

…yeah, i know.

there’s not enough room up here in my head for an uninvited guest, anyway, it’s crammed full of programming stuff. so you can rest easy, bc i’m not gonna do something really stupid unless, say, some apocalypse engulfs the city.